Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
