Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
