Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
