Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
