guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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