yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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