Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
