my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
where am i from again
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
