1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
