He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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