ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
