I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
