Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
