totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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