So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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