Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I need to calm my uterus...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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