Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
