I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
