you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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