Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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