theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
