i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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