did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
