I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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