her vagina looked like bernie madoff
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
