Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
im six kinds of drunk right now
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
