good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
