Ambien. No doubt about it.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
