his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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