I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
