the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
