I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
