omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
