none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
