you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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