He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
