Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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