Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
