peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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