it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
