guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
