Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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