I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
