ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
