Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
