Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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