You smell like a Billy Joel song
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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