Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
