my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
