i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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