Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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