She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
