god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
