people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
