My room smells like vodka and shame
vagina is talking i cant
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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